Reflections on leading the Southeast Asia Program - Melissa Raftery

Melissa is stepping down from leading our Southeast Asia Semester Program after five years and here shares some thoughts and experiences. Enjoy!

Melissa on a Bangkok river ferry

Today is day 47 out of 60 on our group tour in Southeast Asia. It’s morning in Siem Reap, Cambodia, but the sun has not yet risen. As I lean over to tie my running shoes, I can hear footsteps thumping closer and closer. A few participants have awoken to join me for morning exercise. This morning we will venture out before the crowds, just as the stars dim in the first light of day, to begin our jog around the treasured Cambodian icon, Angkor Wat.

I greet the group and immediately see Tet and a small gang of moto drivers cruising around the corner. Tet pulls up with a smile, revealing he’s just had a good breakfast of noodle soup and with the engine still running we hop into the back of the three-wheeled taxis to begin the 20 minute ride into the countryside where the Angkor temple complex begins.

My introduction to Pacific Discovery began as a participant in 2002. I traveled to New Zealand and Australia on a two month program. My leaders, Rachel Sanson & Scott Burnett (the founders of Pacific Discovery), led me to places I could only venture to in my dreams. From caving underground amongst glow-worms, to sleeping in a traditional Maori meeting house, to rafting over the world’s largest commercially rafted waterfall—the adventure left me hungry for more.

Cooling off while trekking in Laos

Now in the role of a trip leader for the Pacific Discovery Southeast Asia program, I often re-visit my first experience as a participant. I am forever questioning what exactly made the two months of memories and relationships so monumental? What changed in my deeper understanding of the world? How can I share this with others?

A participant once came to me and said: “Today I trekked into the world’s 5th largest waterfall, sampled my first wasp larvae during lunch, and sang in a circle with Thai teenagers in a new language. All of this in one day!”

It would be a slight exaggeration for me to classify all days of the program are filled with such excitement. Of course, there are the days where we ride in a cramped minibus, shifting and shaking on a dirt road in Laos for 8+ hours. And there are group dynamics that need to be carefully recognized and dealt with. More often than not, there is a participant who is experiencing a harder time adapting to the faster pace of group travel and missing the familiarity of home. As a leader, knowing when to devote more time to a certain group member is key.

The summit of Mt Fansipan - highest point in mainland SE Asia

What I have gained from being a program leader is immeasurable. In the beginning, my largest fears dealt with not having all the answers. I learned it was okay to tell a participant “I don’t know” and get back to them the next day with a response. Assertiveness also factored into my need to be the ‘leader’ and not always the ‘friend,’ a role that can sometimes be fuzzy as the gap in age is often no more than a few years. But most of all, I have gained confidence. Over the years, sticky situations have arisen that could not have been otherwise prevented. I gained the ability to deal with each event in a calm, focused manner and trusted that my training and intuition would remedy the situation.

During the ‘Orientation to Pacific Discovery’ I tell all of my groups that an event, a discussion, or a circumstance that would never occur back in the relative safety of ‘home’, will occur every day while traveling in Southeast Asia. These interactions are not always obvious at first (sometimes you forget entirely until you re-read your journal one winter evening five years later), but with an open mind and heart you can challenge your framework of thinking and re-shape your greater understanding of the way humanity functions in the world.

As an example, I can remember a participant commenting to our Cambodian home stay hosts, the Meas family, about how beautiful the lily pond was in their side-yard. The mother and wife of the family, Siphen Meas, casually answered, “Oh, thank you. That pond was created by two B-52 bombs dropped from American planes bombing eastern Cambodia” …the paradox of destruction turned into beauty.

Former Emperor's palace, Hue, Vietnam

On the Southeast Asia program, we spend our last four nights relaxing on the beaches of southern Thailand. On the final night of program, we have a special evening where we conduct our last group debriefing as unified travelers and family. After sharing a meal of Thai curries and noodle dishes, each person presents a homemade gift in the honor of their ‘Secret Buddha’—the name of a group member they chose from a hat 55 days earlier in the trip. The gift usually reflects funny moments shared by the gift giver and receiver, with a personal touch. For me, as a trip leader, this commemorative time often highlights the brilliance of what participants have gained—courage, the bond of friendship, an ‘awakened’ creative mind, and insight into one of the most fascinating pockets of the world. Most people vow to travel to Southeast Asia again and, of course, we will never forget the bond of group travel.

On a personal note, the time has come for me to ‘hang up the Southeast Asia hat.’ I consider the relationships that I have built with local guesthouse owners, tour operators, even the old man who sells the best Thai coffee on Thanon Prah Athit in Bangkok. I consider the reward of being invited to share such genuine experiences with young people who are on the brink of transformation. How lucky I am to find such a meaningful and fulfilling job position in such a spectacular location on this Earth!

Enjoying her coffee in Saigon

Philosophic author Kent Nerburn writes, “When I am old, and my body begins to fail me, my memories will be waiting for me. They will lift me and carry me over mountains and oceans. I will hold them and turn them and watch them catch the sunlight as they come alive once more in my imagination. I will be rich and I will be at peace.”

During this time of transition, I do not worry. Such sights, sounds, and smells as the temples of Angkor, the fresh exotic fruits being sold on every street corner, and the thousands of motorbikes honking in Hanoi, Vietnam will forever stain my mind. I will always have my memories. I will always be at peace. And there’s a good chance this won’t be the last time I set foot in Southeast Asia. Melissa Raftery

Gifting photo's to Phnom Penh's KDFO orphanage

A huge THANK YOU from The Pacific Discovery team Mels for all your hard work over the years and belief in what we're all about!! We wish you all the best with your future plans.